They had also further agreed to have sex by turns and in a separate room. I did not like the idea but when Aunty offered me double of the usual wages I accepted. I reached the five star hotel dressed in a skin tight white shalwar and a sleeveless lavender color kamisi am small in height but have very firm and round breasts, now also the fabric was stretched tight over the round swell of my breasts and I was walking in my usual provocative gait. I had covered my face with a big kerchief and dark shades to prevent identification. I rang the door and a middle aged man opened the door smiling at me. In a moment the smile went away from both our faces since I realized it was my father’s younger brother Jagjit who was standing in the door wearing only a terry bath robe and smoking a cigarette. 2 more men of his age were sitting inside and having drinks.I walked in trying to think what to do. Jagjit uncle closed the door behind us and said,” Nilima has sent you aren’t it?” Yes sir, good. " He smiled, weakly. "None of it ever came true, of course. All I know is that when I look in the mirror I see someone I despise."I tried to interject, to tell him it wasn't all bad, but he interrupted me."You know what it's like? I watch other people - girls - talking to each other, talking to me, doing whatever, and it's like a knife in the fucking ribs. All these things I've wanted to be able to do my entire life, and they do them... so effortlessly. It actually physically hurts. Right here."Silence, again. I was having difficulty dealing with this, so I stayed quiet as well."It's just not fair," he said. "I look at everyone else and all I can do is hate them because they know where they are in their heads. They don't hate themselves for every minute of their lives. They don't do THIS to themselves." He pulled up the sleeve on his right arm, up to the elbow. Exposing scars, old and new, that criss-crossed his upper arm. A couple were still scabbed with dried blood; they looked.
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